


medicine

by byakuyasama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, M/M, Pining, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 18:31:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8412004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byakuyasama/pseuds/byakuyasama
Summary: Tooru was on another level, even during childhood. He had the world wrapped around his finger, the galaxy in his grasp. He was charming and manipulative but never maliciously so. He had a personality that intrigued others and Hajime began to find that Tooru became increasingly popular, particularly among his female friends. But regardless of all that, Hajime was stubbornly loyal, always waiting by his side, there to drag his companion back to Earth when the look in his eyes got too clouded with the stars.





	

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know if youd like me to continue this!! im unsure whether or not ill keep at it but if enough people like it ill keep at it!

"I want to be an astronaut!" Tooru declared, eyes wide and shining, filled with determination. Hajime simply stuck his tongue out, in the manner that most children do, and scowled.

"Being an astronaut is real hard work!" he retorted, as if he knew anything about the career at seven years old. "Doesn't matter." Tooru insisted, brown locks tumbling onto her face, obstructing his vision as he shook his head in defiance. "It would be so much fun! You could see the stars. I'm gonna do it someday."

Hajime rolled his eyes, all too used to Tooru's extravagant predictions for the future, his constant ideas and goals ever changing. Yet no matter how ridiculous Hajime found Tooru's spontaneous nature, he never doubted the other's ability to fulfill his ambitions. Tooru was on another level, even during childhood. He had the world wrapped around his finger, the galaxy in his grasp. He was charming and manipulative but never maliciously so. He had a personality that intrigued others and Hajime began to find that Tooru became increasingly popular, particularly among his female friends. But regardless of all that, Hajime was stubbornly loyal, always waiting by his side, there to drag his companion back to Earth when the look in his eyes got too clouded with the stars, too distant.

It was almost scary, Hajime found himself thinking at age ten, how ethereal Tooru was. On nights when Tooru was permitted to stay over, after hours of horsing around and talking about irrelevant affairs, the other would simply stare at his friend, just watching him sleep, as if he had to study the brunette's every detail or he would lose him. As if Tooru would ascend beyond his touch, slip from his grasp and break away. He'd try and shake thoughts like these away, frequently unsure of where they even spawned from. But the thought nagged him still, a tiny thorn in his side to remind him that Tooru would someday outgrow his presence and become something greater than Hajime could ever dream of being.

One night, while lost in thought, staring at his best friends face, Tooru rolled over, opened one eye and stuck his tongue out.

"Creepy Iwa-chan." He hummed, his tone teasing as Hajime prepared to be fully embarrassed, "Watching me while I sleep like that. Super weird!" The brunette winked and Hajime hit him across the head.

"Stupid. I was watching you because you keep drooling." He grumbled, his grumpy nature evident even at such a young age.

"Mean! Mean, Iwa-chan!" Tooru retorted and the two fell into the familiar rhythm of childhood quarrels, ending with them both breathless after trying to wrestle the other to the ground.

Days like these came often to the pair, long nights spent together, conversations holding no weight. It was the kind of thing children took for granted, the peaceful days that passed without true conflict. Years later, Hajime yearned for the nights he could lay by his friend's side, bickering about Tooru's newest crush or the upcoming volleyball match. But even in the moment, Hajime would feel unsettled, as if days like this were not always to come. How he could develop such a feeling was a mystery to him, but his intuition about Tooru was rarely incorrect.

"What are you thinking about, Iwa-chan?" Tooru hummed, shattering the silence and interrupting Hajime's train of thought.

"How big your nose looks from this angle." He grinned back, watching the redness rise to Tooru’s cheeks as he went on to refute Hajime's claims.

The elder enjoyed teasing his friend, the sight of Tooru's blushing face charming him in ways it would take years to define. Tooru turned over on his side, flicked off the lights and went to sleep. Hajime stayed awake.

*

"I want to touch the stars." Tooru murmured sleepily, staring up at the night sky above, flashing his friend a smile unique to him. "Aliens are so lucky, Iwa-chan," he drawled, tone slipping into a whine, "I wanna be up there. Don't you?"

"Aliens aren't real, dumbass." Hajime grumbled in return, his cheeks flushed. By age twelve, he was undeniably in love with his best friend, though the feelings were so far buried beneath layers of denial and hopeless girl crushes he was hardly aware of it. Tooru sat upright, scowling at his friend and sticking his tongue out.

"Obviously aliens are real! How else would we explain why you look so weird--- Ouch, Iwa-chan!" He yelped as he was delivered a swift slap across the back of his head. He rubbed the spot, eyes filled with mock hurt.

"We should be getting back anyway." Hajime reasoned, licking his lips. They shouldn't be out this late and they both knew better than to upset Tooru’s parents, but the brunette was fiercely stubborn, his lower lip jutting out.

"Another ten minutes." He negotiated, his voice soft. Hajime only nodded, staring at his friend, the silence deafening.

Even at such a young age, Hajime knew Tooru was different. Not in the way most people saw, not his good looks or charming personality, nor his leadership skills and academic brilliance. It was as if he was always hiding something, masking fears with pseudoconfidence and hollow jokes, fake smiles used to distract adults away from the dull look in his eyes. Something was wrong and the notion stuck in the back of Hajime's head for years. He'd ignore it though, if it would make Tooru happy. He'd do anything to make Tooru happy.

*

At age fourteen, others began to notice as well. Not many, but enough to raise suspicion. During school hours, Tooru's extravagant personality was on full time, bringing him plenty of attention from both boys and girls. And Hajime stayed by his side, hitting his friend at every backhanded jab he'd make towards Hajime's loyalty. But he knew Tooru needed him. And he needed Tooru all the same.

"I hear that girl from class B has a thing for you, Iwa-chan." The brunette grinned, sitting on the floor of Hajime's room, eyes glinting with mischief.

"So?" Hajime grunted, a pencil eraser grinned between his molars as he worked on his math homework.

"So?" Tooru echoed, as if Hajime's lack of interest was astonishing, "Iwa-chan is going to die alone at this rate. You should go out with her!" He hummed, tongue darting out to lick his lips nervously.

There it was. Hajime knew Tooru was testing the waters and this was only an introduction to a confrontation meaning to come. Hajime merely sighed and leaned back, dropping the pencil and refocusing his attention to the brunette squirming on his floor.

"I'm not really interested. I have to focus on school..." he said, eyes locking with Tooru's, nearly shivering at the intimacy.

"Iwa-chan..." Here it comes. "Do you like boys?"  
Hajime froze, words caught in the back of his throat. Something about Tooru's question seemed off, as if he was hopeful that Hajime would say yes. But Hajime couldn't do that.

"Of course not." He spat nervously, turning his attention away, "I'm just too busy to deal with stupid middle school romance. High school placement tests are coming up." 

And that ended the conversation, Tooru's features slumping in disappointment as he turned away.

The next day, Tooru came to school in a sweater, despite rising temperatures and fierce humidity. No one seemed to notice but Hajime's throat felt dry, a nagging thought telling him those sleeves were hiding something. But he knew confrontation would be useless and turned his thoughts in a different direction, picking up his textbook and studying in a desperate attempt to wash away the guilt. His eyes met Tooru's briefly before ripping away, panic rising in his throat. The brunet opened his mouth as if to speak but quickly decided against it, his hands fidgeting with his pencil and he nervously scribbled something in his notepad. 

Something was wrong.

Hajime grabbed Tooru's backpack as he attempted to make a quick escape from the room after school had let out, jerking his friend back. Tooru's shocked expression was quickly masked by a grin as he turned to look at his friend, tilting his head to the side. 

“Such a brute, Iwa-chan.” he complained, licking his lips nervously, “Haven't you heard of manners?” the young teenager chided, but Hajime was immune to his sly charm, dragging his friend to a more secluded location despite his resistance. 

“What's wrong with you?” Hajime asked suddenly, not bothering to test the waters.

“Wrong with me? Nothing--”

“Cut the crap, Oikawa.” he spat out, his tone instantly silencing the other who seemed to shrink in his presence.

Before Tooru could protest, Hajime grabbed his wrist and yanked up his sweater, revealing a row of precise incisions across the flesh of his forearm.

Hajime gaped, stepping back, his eyes wide and mouth ajar. Tooru ripped his arm away, tugging the sleeve back over his cuts, his lower lip trembling.

“Don't tell anyone. Please.” Tooru's voice was desperate, his true emotions revealed by his distraught expression. Hajime stared at him, unable to speak.

Why? Why would Tooru do this to himself? He had everything; popularity, looks, grades, everything a teenage boy could ask for. A panicked thought ate away at Hajime's subconscious, though he was quick to suppress it.

“Why?” was all he could manage to ask, voice weak and fragile.


End file.
